How'ta Take a Fall

"I fell outta my bed"
"Sounds like a tough way to wake up, Ghost."
"Well I s'pose you could say that if'n I'd actually 'woke"
"How's that?"
"Well, the last time I took a 6-foot drop like that they kicked a stool from 'neath my feet and stretched my neck. So I guess, historically speakin', I'm accustomed to takin' a spill an' sort of sleepin' through the aftermath. It's a strange thing "wakin' up" with the ceilin' further 'way than you're use'ta seein' it, an' spectin' that the headache you got is connected to the fact you went pirate style roun' a bottle of rum with your 'quaintances."
"So you didn't get that cut above your eye or that bruise on your ass from a knife fight or being hit by a car?"
"Naw. This was a bona fide retribution for accusin' the lord of payin' no attention when I suggest that he place his han' on somebody what's misbehaved."
"Serves you right."

Caught a Damn Mouse

'Bout Three Weeks Ago
So I'm whilin away round about the witchin hour with a mason jar of that corn liquor from down around Sandy's, an watchin the movin picture box we call a 13 inch trinitron, when a little somethin worth mentionin up and suprise me like I'm two weeks from the teat. This mouse come out from under the stove. Sum' bitch jes tip-toes like he's gon' fin' a coffee bean and drag it back his famly fur supp. His ole lady mouse gon meet him when he sets hiself down, not exactly "impressed" but she's got kids to feed an' one of them little bastuds has n'monia. Well ole' Tip-Toes is gon' lean across the table right about then and plant a kiss real soft on the lady's cheekcheek. But first he's gotta get his hands on that coffee bean I dropped while cookin up a mean ole pot 'a gumbo or all that cathartic kissin an sharin quality time is jes a vision. So natural he's a little nervous what with bein pretty small an' probably none too familiar with how to open up a door or make a phone call in a mergency. And he goes and catches sight of this fella sittin down not ten feet away from his egress point.

Now, I ain't a small man but I damn sure ain't the biggest neither. But I'll be damned if ole Tip-Toes didn't scare we wurse than when I use ta get a little lost on my first bike ridin around a neighborhood and rode by a house rumored to be inhabited by such folks as tortured a cat or kidnapped the young-uns from the nearby elementry school. Course ole Tip-Toes jes sees a big ole sum'bitch like me makin time with a jar of the Sandy's but jumpin aroun an he's gotta be thinkin, "Now what in the sam hell has ole Tip-Toes gotten hiself into." So he pir-a-wets, turns hiself into a corkscrew and shoots right back under that stove. Now wouldn' that be somethin? If you could jes stop on a dime when you see trouble a' comin' from a distance an' fin' a place nobody'd ever spect you to be? Big ole sum'bitch like me can't get turnt aroun' to save his own life so he's gotta fin' danger like its his best friend or run it down, a tumbleweed in a straight-line wind. Well that's me, scarin a mouse but scared hiself an too dumb and big to turn aroun' when he could jes' find a new place to hide.

Well Ain't Nobody Seen That Mouse For Three Weeks
Well ole Tip-Toes never got his bean that night far as I know, but I'll betcha that sum'bitch been makin out alright cause ain't nobody heard from him sense. Last night he shows up again though. He must'a been in sore need of somethin' for his supp cause he's been hidin out, or he's been a followin my patterns pretty close an makin his sortie ever I'm off'n about. Usually I'm off findin a way to make that danger my friend. I say that cause I can see them neon lights like ole Tip-Toes seen me that night in front of the trinitron, but I'm too big an dumb to turn aroun'. Soon enough I'm shoutin about turnin' over a billiards table an' makin' like a fool to chase away the devil of the secon' han'. Anyway, I seen him last night. His back cracked in that little trap set out right at the openin of his egress. I'll tell ya what. I seen him lyin there an my firs thought was "That's Goddamn right you lil filthy sum'bitch." You put the plow in the earth an wait for the corn to grow an soon enough you gonna have a little mason jar of ole' Sandy's to put behin your teeth.

I got to lookin at im though. Ole Tip-Toes on his side crunched up under that spring-loaded plastic jaw. That lil sum'bitch. I could hear them jaws. I could smell em too. Sum'bitch. I can smell them neon lights.